lonelywhiteasian:

my dash is dead so i’m gonna liven it up with some fun, family-friendly text posts. let’s start this off, shall we? what’s brown and sticky?…. …. you guessed it…. … a stick! hahaha we’re all having fun here




MY FRIEND IS ABOUT TO READ STORY TIME

its fifty shades of grey~~~



pizza:

*uses snapchat text bar to cover double chin*




-circa:

I feel like all the gay guys on here talk to each other.

in the world



i just really want a blowjob



  • (I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
  • Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
  • Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
  • Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
  • Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
  • (I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)

slydig:

tsarbucks:

slydig:

dont be mean 

be median or mode

damn math fandom bloggers





raja you’re perfect 

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